A Bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, A Glass of wine, A 3-year Old, and a Marketing Mom
The day was like any other, got up, went to the gym, came home, packed my kid a lunch, got him ready for school, took said kid to preschool, went to work, left work, picked up previously said kid from preschool, went home and found myself standing in my kitchen with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, a glass of wine and listening to my kid scream, "I want Daniel Tiger mommy please. I want Daniel Tiger!"
I looked at my clock and it was telling me the time was 3:45 pm. It was already and ONLY 3:45 on some random weekday afternoon. It took me a minute to figure out how I got where I was. I usually wait until at least 5:30 to pour a glass of wine and I never have Doritos in my house so what the hell was going on? I blankly walked over to the TV and changed the channel to stop the screaming child from continuing to scream. I then walked back into my kitchen and took a picture of my full glass of wine and beautiful bag of chips. I probably did it to remember this moment for a time when I need help getting through a similar state but I quickly texted it to my girlfriend and asked if I needed help. This can't be a situation one finds herself in regularly. I need to be seen or admitted to some institution for mothers of random episodes of gluttony and alcoholism. And before I received a reply, I removed 4 chips from the shiny blue bag and shoved them into my mouth. There is something about a Cool Ranch Dorito... they're not like the overly popular Nacho Cheese Dorito, oh no, there's a sense of "oh my god that is good" with each and every crunch. And speaking of crunch, the sound in my mouth must have echoed into the living room and over the sound of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, because the kid came running into the kitchen and without a word, grabbed the bag of my yummy goodness and ran back to the couch. What the...
Do I go after the bag? Do I appreciate the fact that the yummy bag of calories is out of reach? Do I scold the greedy child for rudely taking mommy's snack? I take a gulp of wine to ponder the situation a bit more. Oh wine, how you have helped me through so much in life.
What to do...
First I took another sip of my fermented grape nectar, walked into the living room, grabbed the bag of chips from the grubby child's paws, told him, "no chips before dinner baby. You want some yogurt?". I then walked away from the again screaming child, grabbed my glass of wine, took a swig, closed the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, but not before I stuck my head in the opening and took a huge breath in, and then put them in the far far back of my two-feet deep pantry.
For some reason this episode has stuck with me since it's occurance. I'm not sure why and I'm not sure if this has happened to anyone else with the same reaction. I just think life is funny sometimes and it's funny what we find funny in it's events. I can now say I had a moment that consisted of a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos, a glass of wine, a 3-year old screaming toddler, at 3:45 on a weekday afternoon.